My son was first recommended for an IEP when he was in 4th grade. I had never heard of an IEP at this time. In fact, I remember the school counselor telling me that my son needed “extra” help. The counselor went on to explain that my son struggled in math, he also struggled with sitting still and “winding down”. I explained to the counselor that he was diagnosed with “severe” ADHD when he was 7 and the school is well aware of this. Knowing that he had ADHD it surprised me that the school was concerned with the “why’s” when it came to R not being at to sit still. It made perfect sense to me that he would be fidgety if he has ADHD, so my question is why doesn’t it make sense to the “professionals” who supposedly see/deal with this daily?
Moving forward the counselor explained to me that my son would benefit from being placed on an IEP this would give him the extra help he needs. The counselor further explained this IEP would give R the tools he would need to have help in class for support in helping him to learn to sit still, to focus, to help him with extra time on tests if needed, etc. this all sounded reasonable to me, and so, I agreed and signed the paper. This is a decision I will come to regret at times and second-guess many times over the future years.
Within the first three months, R started to be bullied by the kids he used to refer to as his friends. He was called a “Sped”, he was purposely left out of playdates. He was no longer invited to birthday parties. We would show up at functions and he would have a big smile when he saw the kids and as he ran to say hello they would literally look at him without any expression turn walk away and begin to talk and laugh. This always ended up with his head hanging low, the smile would be gone, and the hurt he would feel would transfer to my heart. It broke me as much as it broke him, and I had no clue how to fix any of this. I telephoned the school, expressed my concern, talked to parents, all who seemed empathetic yet things never changed. It was terrible.
I feel if I could do it all again, I wouldn’t place my child on an IEP. I would have kept him in the “mainstream” class. I would have made sure an aid was given to him in class. I feel giving children labels at such a young age, can really hinder their future. A child is developing, and while some may go at a slower pace or perhaps just a different way, it does not mean at the age of 14, 15, 16 they won’t catch up. I also feel IEP’s are great for some children. I would not discount them for everyone.
What I have learned through my trials and errors, and the advice I have to pass on to you is this: you are the parent or guardian and you know your child better than anyone. Do not think for one second that because the person on the other side of the desk has a bachelor’s or master’s degree in teaching or school counseling, that it means they know your son or daughter better than you do. They do not! In fact, I have come to realize and learn they know nothing about our children. I have learned that while I listen and am open to what it is they say my son needs, I have learned to speak up and advocate for what it is I know my child needs. At first, I sat and let them blindly lead me like bullies pushing me into uncomfortable areas I didn’t want to go. When I tried to speak up, I was made to feel I wasn’t willing to help my child. In the end, I learned to say “no”. I learned to get them to compromise. I learned to advocate for my son, and through me, he learned to advocate for himself.
My son is now 17 and he is ready to move on to his next level in life. He has advocated so well, he is now in a Tech school half-day. He is learning a trade. Through learning this trade he has had a spark lit and now wants to own his own business. He has researched and pushed the school to get him a tutor. He is at a level now of a 3.0 GPA. And, on his own, he researched colleges and told me he knows he has options, and colleges also have IEPs and help for students who may learn differently. He has grown into a well educated, strong boy. He has learned the right people who love you will always help you. He has learned the most important person in your life, the person who should love you all day long is yourself. He learned self-love, self-esteem. He has succeeded and all because we learned to speak up in a way that made others listen. He and I learned together. So go with your gut, stand up for your child and you do and implement whatever it is you feel your child needs.
Keep Sparkling~
Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2019 The Multifaceted Mom
