My Mama Didn’t Raise No Doormat

For years my mom would say to me, “I didn’t raise you to be a doormat”.  While hearing this made sense to me in the context of the discussion, it did not resonate with me.  I would have an argument with my husband and at some point, I would explain something to my mom about it and this would be her typical response.  Yet, I had an argument, I felt if I am arguing I am not a doormat, I am standing up for myself.

However, it was years later, I realized, what it was she was trying to tell me.  She was trying to get me to see that although I was arguing with him, I wasn’t correcting the issue.  The problem was, we were arguing, all the time, about the same thing because nothing changed unless I finally gave up, stopped arguing, and gave in to whatever it was he wanted. I was his doormat.

I remember talking on the phone with my mom one night, and she asked me what it was I like to do.  I thought about it, and it was this question that made me realize everything about my life revolved around his needs and wants.  In fact, I thought I was the strong one in the relationship.  I also thought things in my life were as I wanted them to be because he had me convinced that his wants and needs were also my wants and needs. I cried, I had no idea who I was anymore or what I needed, wanted, or enjoyed.

Each week in our life was an ebb and flow of his emotions.  If he was riding high, I would jump on the wave and ride it into shore with him, and once that wave came rolling and crashing into the shore, I would be tossed and tumbled along with it.

I decided I would not allow this behavior to go on any longer. I found my strength and I rolled up the rug I had laid out for him for so many years, and I began to take a stand. He did not like this at all, but I didn’t care. Things began to get very intense, only this time, it was him being thrown for a tailspin in those rough murky waters. I was standing on the shore watching the waves crash all around me.  I felt the cold water hit my feet, but I was far enough from the edge of the shoreline that the tide could not grab hold and pull me back.

I was no longer a doormat. My mama was right, she didn’t raise a doormat. I am a strong, independent woman.  I have had my fair share of heartache, and I have had many years of finding myself again, but I am back and I am happy about the lessons I was given in life because I learned from each one.  I hope if you too find yourself in a similar position in life, you find a way to learn to swim to shore and enjoy the view.

Keep Sparkling~