Recently a friend said to me, “I finally figured out whenever I complained about someone else not giving me what I need. First, I have to look and see if I am giving it to myself.”
Listening to my friend sharing how overwhelmed she was feeling and how she repeatedly kept getting frustrated at her kids, I thought, “Didn’t they see how overwhelmed she was?!?! She just needed all of them to back off and give her a break!” When I offered my thoughts to her as my “words of wisdom,” she looked at me, smiled, and admitted to me how she realized it wasn’t them, as much it was her who wasn’t giving herself a break. This friend, through our conversation, realized how hard she was pushing herself and driving herself. Her kids were not the cause of her overwhelming feelings. She was the cause.
I had to think about that for a second and realized she was right. I often feel depleted, drained, unappreciated. So, I asked myself, “who isn’t giving me what I need?” and my answer was “me” I am not giving myself what it is I need. So, I learned I need to start there. I need to start with me. If I am not giving to myself what is needed, no one else will either.
I decided to write this post because I know she and I aren’t the only people feeling this way. So, whenever we start noticing our frustration at others, we should all take a step back and evaluate ourselves.
If you find yourself thinking, “I am so tired of not being heard!” ask yourself, “Are you listening to yourself, or are you ignoring your inner voice calling for a break?” Or, if you are saying, “I am so tired of no one appreciating what I am doing,” Maybe re-think the statement as a question and ask, “Do you appreciate all you are doing? Or do you just keep badgering yourself to get more done?”
We do it all the time. We look to others to give us what we aren’t giving ourselves. We want others to appreciate us, but do we really appreciate ourselves? We want others to listen to us, but we don’t listen to ourselves. We want others to love our bodies, but we criticize and hate our bodies. We want others to give us a break when the last thing we ever give ourselves a break. Most of us don’t take the time to show ourselves some love and kindness.
In fact, we take it one step further; we take the stuff we are beating ourselves up about, and we project it on someone else. So we spin a huge story that someone is disappointed in us when, in reality, we most likely are disappointed in ourselves.
So the next time you notice yourself thinking, “Ugh, I wish they would…” Ask yourself, am I giving this to myself? Am I treating myself with as much kindness and empathy as I’d like others to treat me?
And if you are, yet you still wish your family or friends would step in and do more, then ask them in a gentle tone. Speak up for yourself and ask them for what it is you need. When we appreciate all we are and all we are doing, asking for what is needed comes from a place of kindness and respect rather than bitterness and resentment.
Remember, taking care of yourself is where it all begins.
Until then,
Keep Sparkling~ 
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