I was told my eldest son “R” had ADHD when he was 7 years old. Before that time, R was a cute, smiling, bouncing (all over the house and yard) boy. He was always happy and such a good boy, yet he was a handful at the same time. R would fight me when putting him in his car seat. He did not want to be strapped down and would tense his body to a point I could not bend him to mold into the seat and get the straps over his arms, and buckle him in. I’d tell him, No and he would laugh at me and run. I referred to him as my “spirited” child.
After “T” was born, it seemed things with R really revved up. I was told by family members it was most likely that R wanted attention. Yet, I’d spend so much time with him and it never seemed to be enough. I was told by friends, he was most likely jealous of T and he just needed to learn T was here to stay and wasn’t going away. Yet, R adored T. He would help me change diapers and dress him. He helped me feed him. He would push his way between me and stroller, so he could push T and would always want me to walk slower than I was for fear somehow my walking would hurt T while he slept in the stroller. “Walk sloooooow mommy no hurt the baby”, is what he would say to me. If T was taking a nap, R would make sure to let everyone know we need to be “soft, the baby is sleeping.” R would laugh at everything T did, and he still does. So, I never thought jealousy was an issue with R.
R started pre-school at 3 and was so proud of this time. I had a hard time toilet training R and one day I went to the pre-school and found him nude, lying in the bathroom with his head right next to a puddle of urine. The teacher was reprimanding him for not using the toilet and urinating in his diaper. Wait… in his diaper??? Then who’s urine is next to his head??? I questioned the teacher and she looked at me like I was crazy, and then proceeded to tell me, how R is a handful and she had no time to fight him to change a diaper and clean a floor at the same time. I took him out of the pre-school immediately. I kept him home for a while and then we started him in another highly recommended pre-school and he had the best experience, and they were able to help me get R toilet trained by the age of 4. They always said how well-behaved he was, and how caring and loving he was, and how helpful.
R talked before the normal milestone, he walked before the normal time limit on the milestone charts, he sang songs, learned his alphabet, could speak in three-word sentences all before schedule.
R turned 5 the day kindergarten started, and I thought academically he would be okay, but socially he seemed immature and I held him back. After R started kindergarten at age 6, his teacher would tell me, almost daily, how he would roll around during storytime, he would bounce from seat to seat during academics and he needed to learn to sit still and be quiet. In 1st grade I heard the same, he would shake his leg during class and would refuse to sit at the desk he always wanted to stand or sit on his one leg, and they needed him to learn how to sit still with both feet on the floor.
Towards the end of 1st grade, I was going through my divorce and we were forced to move from our home. We moved to another town and started a new school. It was April of 1st grade. R never fit in with the kids here. I also thought it was because he came in at the end of the school year when friendships were already formed.
During his time in school, I would hear, he didn’t sit still, he would talk out of turn, he was “silly”, didn’t know when to stop if the kids were playing and no longer wanted to play. Bullying ensued, and so this was the life of my curly blonde haired, blue-eyed boy. Soon his smile was non-existent. He became withdrawn. I was called into school repeatedly and after many meetings, R was placed on an IEP, pulled out of classes for help, and eventually placed into small group classes and classified as “special needs”. I blamed myself. I missed something. I got divorced and ruined his life. I pulled him from his home and now look. Just look. I ruined R’s life.
I had him in therapy and talked to doctors, I tried after school activities, and nothing fit, nothing worked. The older R got the more the bullying continued and the more distant and withdrawn he became. Yet, therapists and doctors have not been able to figure this out. R presents as a normal 17-year-old, yet there are this immaturity and disconnect. I have been told bi-polar and then testing shows he is not, I have been told there is a personality disorder, and then testing shows this to be untrue. He is a puzzle.
Here we are in his Junior year of High School and the child study team sent him for his three-year IEP evaluation with the psychiatrist. Low and behold, I get the report today in the mail, and under the sub-heading “Impression Diagnosis” I see a list of 5 diagnoses. ADHD is one of them, no surprise there, but what did surprise me, was the second diagnosis on this list: “Autism Spectrum Disorder”. My puzzle piece finally fits.
Keep Sparkling ~
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